Bornonity
by kirbyfan64
Summary: What would you do if someone broke into your house? Would you hide behind the couch and wait for him to leave? Would you call the cops? Would you try to make friends with him? Because Spongebob chose the third choice.


It was just an ordinary day in Bikini Bottom like any other and nobody was expecting anything special to happen. Patrick and Spongebob were just got to the walkway of the pineapple house back from their long time jellyfishing. Spongebob unlocked the door and they both went inside. It was really late and too dark for Patrick to go home by himself even though all he had to do was go down the street. So Spongebob let him sleepover at his house.

"So what do you wanna do Spongebob?" asked Patrick.

"Well after having lots of fun jellyfishing it's a good idea to just relax and watch some TV." said Spongebob.

Spongebob and Patrick both jumped on the couch and Spongebob turned his television on. When it came on the channel was MLB Network.

"That's odd." Spongebob mentioned.

"What's odd?" Patrick answered.

"The baseball channel is on and I never watch baseball." answered Spongebob. "I guess Gary was watching it." he said.

Spongebob changed the channel to Food Network and Good Eats was on.

"Spongebob, is it just me or does the guy on this show have the exact same voice as the host of House Fancy?" Patrick asked.

"They do cinda sound alike." Spongebob commented.

While they watched Good Eats a marlin named Bornonity slowly peeked over the back of Spongebob's couch where he was hiding. He was wearing a white T-shirt that was tie-die in the center of it. The state line of Washington was on the tie-die part of his shirt and inside of the shape was a big W and A side by side. He also had a solid black baseball cap that used to have the Florida Marlins logo on it. Just like Squidward he wasn't wearing any pants.

"They seem to be distracted by the show, so if I crawl maybe they won't see me." Bornonity thought to himself.

Bornonity got down on his hands and knees and started crawling over to the door. It was going just the way he wanted it to, until his tail fin knocked over a flower pot. Spongebob and Patrick heard the thump and saw Bornonity running for the front door.

"Ahhhhhh! It's a burglar!" Patrick yelled.

"You're not gonna get away with this!" Spongebob shouted.

Spongebob ran into the kitchen and came back with a broom. He started whacking Bornonity with it until his arms became too tired to do it anymore.

"I'm not a thief." Bornonity explained.

"Then who are you?" asked Spongebob.

"I'm Bornonity and I just moved her from Florida." Bornonity answered.

"But what are you doing here?" asked Patrick.

"The cable guys were having a hard time hooking up my TV, that was made in 1961 by the way, to my new house. But I didn't wanna miss the Florida Marlins game so I hoped you wouldn't mind if I watched it here." Bornonity explained.

"Spongebob, should I call the cops?" Patrick asked.

"Of course not." Spongebob answered. "Bornonity is obviously a big fan of that baseball team so he should get to watch the game." he said.

"Are you sure?" Patrick asked. "Because he broke into your house." he said.

"Yes I'm sure, Santa Claus breaks into everybody's house once a year and they're all ok with that." said Spongebob.

"Oh, I get it." said Patrick. "But Bornonity, why do you have Washington on your shirt if you're from Florida?" he asked.

"This is Washington?" Bornonity said in confusion.

Bornonity looked at his shirt confused while Spongebob and Patrick talked.

"You know all the states Patrick." said Spongebob.

"Actually, just Washington and Florida. I know Washington because I've watched iCarly before, and I know Florida because this guy said that's where he's from." Patrick explained.

Bornonity noticed that the tag on his shirt said "Maid In Seattle" and then had to accept that Washington was the thing on it.

"Great, my grandma ripped me off." said Bornonity in anger.

"What do you mean?" asked Spongebob.

"She said my shirt had Oregon on it." Bornonity answered.

"Oh, and now I know Oregon." Patrick said.

"So where's your new house Bornonity?" Spongebob asked.

"Right next door to some restaurant called The Krusty Krab." Bornonity answered. "The food there looks really gross." he commented.

Spongebob looked at Bornonity with an angry face because he was offended by what he heard.

"As a matter of fact, the food at that restaurant is made by me." Spongebob told Bornonity.

"It is." Bornonity said in shock. "Well I meant to say that the food looks delicious." he said.

Bornonity felt filthy because he lied for the first time in 10 years, 8 months, and 6 days.

"Well then I'll let you come watch me work there tomorrow." said Spongebob.

"Ok then, see you tomorrow." Bornonity said as he walked out the door.

"You can't just leave, it's darker then overcooked turkey out there." said Patrick.

"You should stay here, but just for the tonight." Spongebob suggested. "When Patrick sleeps here he sleeps on a mattress that's under mine. We can put one more on top for you." he explained.

"Thanks." Bornonity thanked.

Later that night the three boys went to Spongebob's room to get some sleep. Bornonity was sleeping on a bed stacked on Spongebob. While Spongebob's mattress was stacked on Patrick.

**The Next Day**

Spongebob and Bornonity were in The Krusty Krab kitchen and Spongebob was gonna teach him how to make Krabby Patties.

"The grill has to be at 298 degrees and you have to flip the patty when it becomes a darker brown." Spongebob explained.

"How interesting." Bornonity said sarcastically.

One of the Krabby Patties had finished cooking and Spongebob put it together with the cheese, the lettuce, the tomato, the condiments, and the bun. Spongebob turned around and shoved the Krabby Patty in Bornonity's face. Bornonity took a few steps backward disgusted.

"Here try one." Spongebob said.

"Uhhm, ok." Bornonity said in disgust.

Bornonity took the Krabby Patty from Spongebob and took the smallest bite he possibly could. As he chewed he started to smile because it tasted better than he expected.

"This actually isn't that bad." Bornonity commented.

Bornonity continued to eat the Krabby Patty while Spongebob started talking to him.

" Bornonity, I wanna know more about you." Spongebob said. "Like what do you like, and what do you dislike?" he asked.

"I like the Florida Marlins and I don't like the Tampa Bay Rays." Bornonity told Spongebob.

"Another thing I wanna know is why you moved to Bikini Bottom." said Spongebob.

"Because I was trying to avoid..." Bornonity started to say.

Bornonity heard the door open and dropped his Krabby Patty. Through the window above the grill Bornonity saw three tough-looking manta rays and he hid behind a bag of potatoes in fear.

"Bornonity what's wrong?" Spongebob asked.

"Those manta rays out there are the reason I moved away from Florida. They're from Tampa Bay and every day they would travel all the way to Miami just to beat me up." Bornonity answered.

"So when you said you dislike the Tampa Bay Rays, you weren't talking about the baseball team." said Spongebob.

"No, I was." Bornonity corrected. "The guys out there call themselves The Three Guys Who Want To Pick On Bornonity Until He Gives Up On Life And Jumps Off A Building. Also known as TTGWWTPOBUHGUOLAJOAB for short." he said.

Spongebob and Bornonity overheard one of the manta rays ask Squidward a question.

"Have you seen anyone named Bornonity?" one of the rays said.

Bornonity jumped while screaming and started to run out the back door. But Spongebob stopped him before he could even exit the building.

"What are you afraid of?" Spongebob asked. "They might not be looking for you because they wanna beat you up, maybe they wanna apologize for all the things they've done." he mentioned.

"What's the likelihood of that?" asked Bornonity.

"Not a very good one, but you have to take your chances." Spongebob answered.

Spongebob dragged Bornonity out of the kitchen and to the table where the 3 bullies were sitting.

"Hey look, it's Bornonity." one of the rays said.

"Please don't hit me." Bornonity begged.

That manta ray made a fist and punched Bornonity in the face.

"At least he listened to me." Bornonity commented.

"Why are you guys so mean to him? And how did you know he moved here?" Spongebob asked.

"The answer to your first question is because we like doing it. And the answer to your second question is because he posted on Faceybook "I'm moving to Bikini Bottom in the Pacific Ocean so the TTGWWTPOBUHGUOLAJOAB won't get to pick on me anymore"." one of the rays answered.

"Remind me to delete my account later." Bornonity said.

"Rays, I'm going to have to ask you to leave this restaurant. Bullies aren't allowed." Spongebob demanded.

"Fine we don't care." one of the rays replied.

"You're gonna need to leave so you can get prepared." said Spongebob.

"Prepared for what?" one of the rays asked.

"The fight between you guys and Bornonity tonight at 8:30 in the parking lot." answered Spongebob.

"Spongebob I don't want to do this." said Bornonity.

"If he wins then you never get to be mean to him again. But if you win, then he'll jump off a building like you've always wanted him too." said Spongebob.

"No!" Bornonity shouted.

"It's a deal." all the rays said at once.

All 3 of the rays shook Spongebob's hand and left the Krusty Krab.

"I really wish you hadn't done that because there's no way I can beat them." said Bornonity

"Yes there is." Spongebob corrected. "Because we're gonna go to the gym and you're gonna exercise." he said.

Spongebob pushed Bornonity out of the restaurant as he spoke.

"I don't see what that's gonna do." Bornonity commented.

Spongebob ignored what he said and continued to push.

"Fine I'll go to this gym place. But first I want you to meet Jenson." Bornonity said.

Spongebob stopped pushing so he could ask Bornonity a question.

"Who's Jenson?" Spongebob asked.

"My pet." said Bornonity.

"What kind of animal?" asked Spongebob.

"You'll see." Bornonity answered.

The two of them walked next door to Bornonity's house. The windows and door were in the same spots as Spongebob's house except it was an apple instead of a pineapple. They walked inside and they both saw a giant clam on the couch. Spongebob jumped into Bornonity's arms in fear.

"Why's there a man-eating clam on your couch?" Spongebob asked.

"That's Jenson." said Bornonity.

"Really?" asked Spongebob. "Because I was expecting that your pet would be something that didn't want to have me for dinner." he said.

"Go ahead, pet her. She won't bite." said Bornonity.

"Uhhm, ok." said Spongebob.

Spongebob reached his arm out and rubbed the top of the giant clam. After he did that, Jenson bit Spongebob's hand and swallowed it.

"I stand corrected." said Bornonity.

**Later**

Bornonity and Spongebob made it to the gym and Spongebob got his arm back. They walked inside and saw Larry the lobster lifting weights.

"How's a goin' Spongebob?" Larry asked.

"Not bad." Spongebob answered.

"Who's your friend?" asked Larry.

"This is Bornonity." Spongebob answered. "He's here to work out." he said.

"Hey Larry." Bornonity greeted. "Can I ask you something?" he asked.

"Sure." answered Larry.

Hearing Larry answer his question made Bornonity do nothing but stand there with an incredibly angry face. He then started to move and kicked Larry right out of the gym.

"Now don't come back until you learn how to be a nice person!" Bornonity shouted.

"Why did you do that?" asked Spongebob.

"In the small underwater town near Miami I'm from, it is very rude to answer a question asked by someone whose name starts with B and ends with Y." Bornonity answered.

"That has to be the strangest thing I've ever heard." Spongebob replied. "But in Oregon gas station employees pump the gasoline for you because they want too. Now let's stop talking and start working out!" he said.

"But let's make it quick, the Marlins game has already started and I don't wanna miss much more of it." said Bornonity.

"It's only like 2:00." said Spongebob. "Why would it start this early?" he asked.

"Because it starts at 5 in Florida, but because I'm here it starts 3 hours early." answered Bornonity.

"Actually, that's not true." Spongebob lied.

"It's not." said Bornonity.

"Of course it's not. It starts at 5 no matter where you are." Spongebob lied.

"I never would've guessed." said Bornonity. "But anyway, what exercise should we do first?" he asked.

"I say we..." Spongebob started to say.

"Dude, don't even go there." said Bornonity.

For the next 3 hours Spongebob and Bornonity did as many exercises as they possibly could. They lifted weights, they did sit-ups, they played boxing, and more. Oh wait a minute, that's not exactly what happened. It was just Bornonity who did the exercises and all Spongebob did was drink fruit smoothies and watch. At 4:57 Bornonity became too tired to work out anymore. His weak floppy arms were now incredibly muscular.

"Wow!" Spongebob shouted. "Do you think you could take those manta rays now?" he asked.

"Maybe." Bornonity answered. "We'll know after I go home and watch the game." he continued.

"Sorry, but it's a little late for that." corrected Spongebob.

"What do you mean?" Bornonity asked.

Spongebob stood there not moving or say a word.

"It's ok if you answer me. I want too know to much." said Bornonity.

"What I meant was that the game's probably over because it started 3 hours ago." answered Spongebob.

"But you said it would start at 5." said Bornonity.

"I lied so you would exercise with me." Spongebob admitted.

Knowing this, the muscles that Bornonity got disappeared and he looked normal again.

"I give up." said Bornonity.

"On what?" Spongebob asked.

"Winning my fight with the TTGWWTPOBUHGUOLAJOAB." Bornonity answered. "What's the point of even trying?" he asked. "I've never won anything before." he stated.

"Oh come on, you're exaggerating." said Spongebob.

"No I'm serious. Video games, board games, bets, Nick Magazine contest, I've lost everything a person could possibly win." said Bornonity.

"Well there's always a first time for everything. And tonight at 8:30 you're gonna be a winner for the first time ever." Spongebob said.

"Although I think my confidence has been lost from missing a Marlins game for the first time in 17 years." said Bornonity.

"Don't worry, I can see who won on my shell phone." Spongebob stated.

"Oh, that's good. I guess all the unnecessary technology in the world isn't so unnecessary." Bornonity commented.

"However, I won't look until your fight is over." Spongebob informed. "But what do you want to do till it starts?" he asked.

"I cinda wanted to..." Bornonity started to answer.

"Work out some more. Me too, let's get on it." said Spongebob.

So for the next 3 and a half hours Spongebob and Bornonity did more exercises. They lifted weights, they did sit-ups, they played boxing, and more. But not surprisingly, it was just Bornonity who did the exercises and all Spongebob did was drink fruit smoothies and watch. At 8:21 Bornonity became too tired to work out anymore. His weak floppy arms were now incredibly muscular again.

"Great!" Spongebob shouted. "Now let's go take care of business." he said.

It took Spongebob and Bornonity 9 minutes to get to the Krusty Krab where they saw Patrick, Squidward, Mr. Krabs, Sandy, and almost everyone else in Bikini Bottom. The only people they didn't see there were the three rays.

"Where's the TTGWWTPOBUHGUOLAJOAB?" asked Spongebob.

"Maybe they chickened out." Squidward guessed.

"Maybe they're allergic to the outside of the Krusty Krab." Patrick guessed.

"Maybe they didn't want to take their chances of losing to Bornonity." Sandy guessed.

"Maybe they didn't want to pay my fight in the parking lot fee." Mr. Krabs guessed.

"You'll all wrong. They're not here because they like to show up late for everything. They'll be here any minute now." Bornonity said.

**1 Hour Later**

"They're still not here." said Mrs. Puff.

"Just wait." Bornonity said.

**Another Hour Later**

"Is this gonna be much longer?" Spongebob asked impatiently.

"I don't think so." Bornonity answered.

**60 Minutes Later**

"You said it wouldn't be much longer." Nat said in anger.

"It won't be. Just trust me." said Bornonity.

**One Minute Less Than Half An Hour Later**

"Bornonity, it's midnight. I'm starting to think that the TTGWWTPOBUHGUOLAJOAB forgot all about this fight." Patrick said.

"That's not possible." Bornonity said. "Their memory is as good as the movie Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs." he mentioned.

"Well if they're still not here at midnight, I'm going home." said Squidward.

"Well that'll be in about 10 seconds. 9...8...7...6...5...4...3...2...1." Sandy counted down.

"Happy New Day!" Patrick shouted.

"That's it!" Squidward shouted. "Those bullies are obviously never gonna get here, so I'm going home." he said.

"Wait Squidward. I think you may have to stand corrected." said Spongebob.

Spongebob pointed out on the horizon as the music from the bar scene in The Spongebob Squarepants Movie played. Everyone could now see the rays riding motorcycles down a big hill. They came up to Bornonity and got off of their motorcycles.

"Are you ready to rumble?" The biggest manta ray screamed.

Bornonity's eyes became really wide and his muscles disappeared again.

"No I don't think so." Bornonity answered.

"Why would you do this Spongebob? He's gonna get his put kicked?" Patrick asked.

"Don't worry Patrick, I...wait a minute." said Spongebob. "Don't you mean he'll get his butt kicked?" Spongebob asked.

"Yeah I do." answered Patrick. "I only said "put" because of a typo." he explained.

"Oh yeah, I forgot about those things. Good thing when we said "he'll" the author didn't forget to put an apostrophe. Anyways, I have a plan." said Spongebob.

Spongebob handed Patrick a small light purple piece of paper.

"Now go to the side of the Krusty Krab and when Bornonity runs over there I want you to ask him to read it to you." Spongebob instructed.

"Ok." Patrick replied.

The same ray who punched Bornonity before did it once again. Bornonity ran away screaming and the manta rays chased him. Bornonity stopped running when he saw Patrick near the left side of the Krusty Krab.

"Hey Bornonity, what those this piece of paper say?" asked Patrick.

"It says "What's the capitol of New York?"." Bornonity answered.

"I know another state now!" Patrick shouted. "Yeah!" he cheered.

"I'm not sure about this, but I think it's Omaha." the biggest manta ray said.

Bornonity slowly turned around with a very angry expression on his face.

"Did you just answer a question I asked?" Bornonity asked.

"Yeah!" the biggest manta ray answered loudly. "Do you got a problem with that?" he asked.

Bornonity became so angry that he kicked the ray and it made him fly all the way back to Florida.

"I say we get out of here." one of the rays suggested.

The two manta rays ran away because they knew they didn't stand a chance. Once they were out of sight everybody started cheering and chanting Bornonity's name.

"That was great!" Spongebob shouted. "You've finally won something!" he shouted. "So now I can look to see the score of that baseball game." he said.

"You know Spongebob, I think that I'm so glad that I've ended my life-long problem that I don't care anymore." said Bornonity.

"Really?" Spongebob asked.

"Really." Bornonity answered.

"Then I'll do something even better for you. I'm gonna go buy you a new TV." said Spongebob.

"New to me or new to the world?" Bornonity asked trying to clarify what Spongebob meant.

Spongebob didn't answer because he didn't want to be rude.

"Oh, never mind." said Bornonity.

"Bornonity, I think this is the start of a beautiful friendship." Spongebob said.

"Yeah." Bornonity replied.

Bornonity and Spongebob walked out of sight to get a new Television.

**The End**

The camera zoomed out and now you could see a family of four watching this on TV. It was the same family from the end of the episode "I Had An Accident". Just like before, they weren't satisfied with what they saw so the dad turned off the TV.


End file.
